You can call one anything but not racist and/or bigot
Among several words we prefer to be called and/or associated with such as kind, caring, loving, beautiful, wonderful, sexy, intelligent, brilliant, smart, innovative and so on, often times we’re not entirely what we are told to be, but aspiring to be. A truly smart person will learn to be better in being a caring, loving [etc] person than they currently are. But those who really don’t go through a thorough thinking process, they’ll just grab the credit and move ahead with our pumped up egos.
On the other hand, among several words we can easily stomach such as procrastinator, player/Casanova, provocative, opinionated, controversial, confused and so on, often times we are pretty much either that or very close to being that. Again, one may perfect his Casanova image until it perfects him in various or any way. The other may decide to be more controversial and confused, just like several public figures such as Beck, Sarah Palin, and so forth. A procrastinator, I mean, a perfected one doesn’t end up anywhere else than his comfy couch and being a scumbag.
Two of the worse words that get us going are “bigot” and/or a racist.” We engage in “serious” talks to show that we are not bigots and nor racists. Often times those with hidden traits make references as “I’m racist, my girlfriend is Black,” or “I’m not racist my friends are White,” or how about this one, “I’m not racist I employ a lot of Blacks and give so much of my money to them.”
Who truly wants to be called racist or a bigot? Nobody! Not even me, I’ll go at length [if I'm in my best mood] telling you why I’m not a racist. But if there’s anything ever to hear from you is telling you that ‘I’m not racist because my best friends are White and my partner is White.’
What is a bigot and or a racist, or racism has become overused, over-defined, stretched to such an extent that, the true meaning of these terms as social conditions, and not just as mere terms, have lost a chance of being considered on contextual basis. Running at the risk of disregarding popular definitions: Allow me to say that being a racist or a bigot does not just depend on what a dictionary says, instead should be more than that. But again, whose definition of these terms should be considered is such a way that we’re able to talk and use these words without being seen as divisive racists? Why are people so afraid of talking about racism, their differing stance on things in fear of being considered as racist because they are of different races?
Can we do it all at once?
It’s amazing how while you seem to be along with other people doing all sorts of things, there’s often something left unattended. If it’s not your work, its your family, or work out, relationship or even updating your Blog. Yes, I just realized that its been over a month since I posted anything here while I’ve spent time doing other things and commenting in other Blogs. I suppose while we often want to consider ourselves as effective multitaskers, we choose that in disregard of the fact that, be as little as it may be, something does get left. That being sad, I don’t feel bad about my failure to keep up with updating this Blog. While I couldn’t update it, I spent a significant amount of my time addressing my priorities. As a result, I’m not behind with any of them.
The big question is: Can we do it all at once?
“The One,” I mean, “the compatible one”
I just realized that the trend of my writing lately has been about relationships and love. I find this interesting considering that in the past I once realized that I couldn’t write about love and/or relationships no matter how I wished I could. I noticed my inability to talk about love through the collection of my poetry and I began wondering. I remember some time in my creative writing class, we were asked to break into groups of two’s and write about each other’s secret shared during group sessions. My partner [in class] told me about her love of two men at the same time and only to myself I labeled that as infidelity though I did not say that to her. Of course she did not see it as I and she was still eager to move ahead with her relationships until eventually when she could figure out whom she wanted to be with. Let me also add that, she was as well sleeping with both men.
So, my task was to come up with a poem out of her story. Looking back at how I drafted the piece, then I may have thought that I distanced myself from the love brouhaha thingy that woman had told me about. But, now I realize that I may not have been detached and/or objective. Actually I don’t remember if objectivity was part of the task. But somehow I remember struggling with ways of presenting her story in such a way that would not offend her, embrace the so-called love. I did not consider her predicament as “love” as much as she claimed to “love” these men and even giggled when telling her story. For instance, if one would argue that it was love, because one can love two people at the same time: please explain to me why the very same person in love with both men needed time with each one of them to eventually choose or decide which one she truly love. Perhaps it was love, love of different from the different people at the same time. Do you know one of those things when one wishes to extract certain elements one person and combine them with other elements of the other.
But this brings one to the fact that it is possible to be in love with somebody who doesn’t have “all” the elements that would make them “perfect” and/or a “compatible” partner. This does not necessarily mean people often end up settling for less. But it is a reality that people often overlook while wrapped in hype in pursuit for “the one,” “the perfect partner” and a “compatible” partner.
I am not yet a love/relationship guru in books, but considering how much I have lived and relationships I have or had had ..LOL.. I qualify as one. Besides, I’ve obtained some relevant educational as well as professional experience which could qualify me if any special qualifications are required: That being said, I can argue that people often overlook that while certain elements might be amiss from their partner, a relationship still requires their willingness to make an effort in order for it to work. I have reflected on this in some of the previous columns in my Blog and also on the importance of the balance of one’s innermost. On this notion, if one is to look into ‘compatibility,’ ‘the one’ and/or ‘perfect partner,’ they should do so through abandonment of unrealistic definitions found out there and work on what is conducive for themselves.
If they base their definition of true love as something that starts with each one’s balanced innermost, from which both individuals could constantly work towards being in sync, lies ‘compatibility’ and ‘the one-ness.’
Apart from all this, the somewhat detatched/objective poem about the woman and her two men that I wrote over five years ago is as follows:
In the field
Loving you, I am like a researcher
On the field:
The 1st Corinthians 13;
A popular measuring instrument,
But, not for my study,
Respondents coded:
# 1 and # 2,
That’s the extent of data,
With intricacies I have
To interpret and analyze
But, as I am progress with # 2,
I am familiar with # 1 through a pilot study
Now, with vivid memories I am intrigued
To embark on further studies with # 1;
# 2 somehow would be validated with a study with # 1
Just during the vacation from the current phase;
The interpretation and analysis of the entire study
Is personal.
The summary, findings and conclusions, is love;
I love both # 1 and # 2
The recommendations are; first: # 1
Should not know about the process;
Second, further studies can be conducted after the vacation.
A rejoinder to the previous “Is it too much to ask?”
One of my interesting readings today came from the www.care2.com, particularly the article on “Finding yourself” within which conditions under which one’s ego thrives are discussed. Please read this column with the piece I wrote yesterday on “Is it too much to ask?” because this piece is a rejoinder (intrigued by care2 column’s) to my yesterday’s column.
Ironically in “Finding yourself” the author depicts a situation whereby a rigid set of standards upon which relationships are expected to work out and happiness prevail work against one’s desires.
Yesterday I talked about a need to seek to know more about your partner if you are to become a better link to them in the relationship. At the end of that column I talked about an element of compromise, whereby meets the other in the middle-ground as they pursue their goals. This notion goes in line with one’s ability to realize that a set of predetermined standards by one party may not necessarily be conducive for the existence of a relationship between that party and the other. Hence, prior knowledge and as well as ongoing knowledge about the other is critical. During that process of seeking to understand the other, one should do less in embarking on embedding one-sided set of rules that necessitate their individualistic happiness. In the end one does not get the desired happiness even if for a while it may seem like that.
Come to think of it: if you’re in a friendship with somebody that you respect and wish to builder a stronger and long lasting friendship with them, why would you be selfish about whose rules are applied?
Its obvious that if anything is to work out well between the two, a middle-ground will need to be introduced for the two to ‘marry.’
Yesterday, I talked about a need for one to seek to information that will help them make informed decisions on dealing with the other. I reflected in the sense that while one may have their separate destinations, once they are with others, their destinations cease to be constructed, rather the roadmap, gets modified to fit the other towards other destination that the other may not have been aware of. So, two separate destination in a way cross paths by virtue of these individuals’ interaction.
Deepak, in his article on care2 talks about how when you’re in the path to find yourself you’ve got to surrender to the path. Somebody here, might be grappling with why would I be on a path to find myself? I’ve already found myself.’ Deepak suggests that, “You surrender to the path. It is a path you share. You commit to wherever the path is taking you. In this way you give up your ego-centered perspective. Your focus shifts to the space between you and the one you love.”
Yes of course, one may have long found themselves already long before they got involved with the relationships they currently find themselves in. I understand that if you are to be a better person to the other, you need to understand them. The person that you may have found before your current interactions becomes different from the person you are in the current environment, climate and culture. You’re now in the new setting within which you need to determine how you roll in conjunction to your partner. Hence, Deepak’s suggestion that, “To find your true self, you must surrender to it, and the best way to do that is to surrender to another person. This doesn’t mean that one ego gives in to another ego. That would indeed spell defeat. Instead, you share with the other person the truth about yourself.”
Truth is one of the basic fundamentals of peace, love and happiness. A setting with a deficit of truth is none other than faked and deceitful scenario that one may even find it hard to call it a relationship. Many people, as I said yesterday, even in friendships, various forms of relationships one finds themselves tend to seek less truth than what they should be encountering. Fear of how to handle the truth once told is what prohibits many from telling it like it is.
Is it too much to ask?
In a world of sarcasm we always seem to fall short of inflicting positive in our lives as much as we could. Specifically, positive in this case being pro-active actions. It is of course each and everyone’s wish to lead a happy life. So no matter how others may prefer to be cynical about life, in reality, whether they fail to admit that to the rest, still survive for happiness.
We’re so trapped on wanting to be ‘cool,’ ‘progressive,’ ‘light hearted,’ ‘independent’ and whatever appealing labels we often want to be associated with while in the true sense do nothing other than suppressing people from seeking certain answers from their counterparts.
As much as there’s a lot in books or talk shows said about relationships in general, it remains a taboo has to ask partners, friends, colleagues, neighbors or people with a potential of being with us specific questions.
Partners fear that once they ask specific questions to their partners, their partners might think negative (as desperate) about them. While people may claim to be secure and liberal enough to pose whatever questions they see fit from others, it is a fact that in actuality, they seldom ask relevant questions in interactions with others. Instead they tend to spend more time on issues that might not be as influential in their relationships compared to the others that they say nothing about.
How often were you asked where you see yourself in a amount of years other that in jobs’ interviews?
Has this question or questions like this ever been asked to you by your friends, family members, colleagues, partner or prospective partner?
How do you view their questioning of your plans?
Don’t you think that this is an appropriate question for you to pose to others or to be asked to you by your friends, colleagues, family members, partner and/or prospective?
Regardless of your answers to these questions, the fact is that, in a case of where you’re going to drive a car, you still need to evaluate it’s condition before getting seated and start driving. You should have a destination and a roadmap towards that destination.
As a matter of fact, to a large extent this transcends to our relationships with others. When one fails to discuss issues of:
- Where they are in life? [not where they should be or failed to be]
- Where they are heading?
- What they are doing about that?
- How they are heading there?
- Who shall be in their company?
…they are not only delusional about their own lives, but also pose as mishap in other people’s lives whom they are to interact with. If you happen to be one of those people to come across such people, of which a scenario you never know about until you review, just do how you’d do before driving a car for your safety as well as maintenance of that car’s life: Ask relevant questions and seek answers.
It is your responsibility to embark in any form of relationship through well-informed decisions. You need to know clearly the state in which your partner is at in order for you to be a better link towards reaching the destination. You may not necessarily follow a rigid roadmap while moving towards your destination when you’re in relationships with a person. Actually, as much as you may come into a relationship with separate destinations, at some point there should be some marriage of your destinations. One way or the other, while you keep your independence, your partner’s existence in your life has an impact on attainment of your destination. Anybody who cares about their partner enough stop to have a separated destination from that of the other. This is in the sense that each one needs the other’s contribution towards that their initiated destination. So it becomes “our” destination. The gist of the thing here is to find yourself with somebody with a sense of direction towards an envisaged destination.
An informed voice for a great cause
I hope that you enjoyed your Friday. Today is another day, a Saturday and each day as it ensues eventually reaches the end. But we, as human beings either remain or retire during that span of days. If we remain, we remain surrounded by our people, environment and nature and all that we have done and/or nothing about.
Each day comes and goes.
But we remain with some sort of responsibility to the human nature. This is in reference to a responsibility beyond you and your’s. Some believe that they are obliged to give something back to others. Some feel that they don’t owe others anything, be it their immediate/distant families, communities and/or nation at large. On the other hand there are some who believe they don’t owe or are obliged to give to anybody, yet they do so, the give to others.
Nevertheless, as much as it is somebody’s decision to give to others or not, from time to time one needs to reckon if they are at a stage they identify with pertinent matters to both themselves and others. There’s a range of things that are commonly shared amongst people, be it with your significant others or jut critical human needs. Do you identify with any? Have you figured anything out there that connects you with others? Do you plan to do or doing anything about it?
Often times people who embrace others, life and themselves to the fullest are not only limited to their intelligence, monetary-success and looks, which tend to be an adamantly appealing feature to many. But they also strongly humble themselves with empathy, humility, attempt to do right, vision to do right, sense of respect for themselves and others, love of who they are and others and tend to seek an informed voice for great cause.
An informed voice can be used for the betterment of others in the most nurturing and fulfilling manner. Whenever you do right, including right by others, reaching out and fulfilling others’ needs, you do right by yourself and shall be fulfilled in the most profound way.
All things asked for are in pursuit of happiness
There seems to be rampant hype with bias expectations from romantic relationships to meet certain standards. As much as one agrees with the necessity of setting standards for a fruitful romantic relationship, but it’s also mind boggling to watch the level of focus given on romantic relationships compared to the development of platonic relationships.
Few weeks ago I wrote a small piece on “three qualities that any person you are with should have” and with this, I preferred not to be specific about the type of relationship one should expect these qualities from. Obviously any relationship out there, be it romantic and/or platonic, professional can only be fruitful if these qualities are met. Those are respect, doing things and getting fulfilled with oneself, results and others. All what it means for any relationship to meet certain standards is that partners ought to have commonly shared qualities.
Today while browsing the web I came across an article, “Three Qualities of a Good Relationship.” The main focus of the article is on helping romantic relationships. However, depending on how one views most of the points shared in the article, one can customize these for other relationships besides romance. This article is more of an elaboration to the article I had written earlier.
While I chose three qualities for a fruitful relationship being; respect, doer, fulfiller- the other article I found today choose, “support, compromise, and open and honest communication.”
I suppose if any partner respects you, he/she will be supportive, compromise and embark in an open and honest relationship, do things in accordance to both their needs and be fulfilled with it all.
I hope that from these, you can draw some parallels and work towards being a better partner in whatever relationship you have in your life. Moreover, make sure that you are with a partner that reciprocates your efforts.
All things asked for in life are for none other than happiness.
For real among many celebrities who does what Omarosa did?
Last night while doing the usual search for the news and flipping the web I came across news about the upcoming show by Donald Trump and Omarosa. A reality show, “Ultimate Merger” and you can read in dept about it from the AFRO Magazine coined it as: Omarosa: The ‘Ultimate’ Diva Meets Her Match
I’m looking forward to the show. Lets cut the crap: Omarosa is human and quite real compared to many fake people. Omarosa is living the real-life that many women, I’m talking about Black and White, would like to live by calling a spade a spade. In some cases, it can also be said that she could be acting manly more than many can and wish they could.
Does that mean she has to be more aggressive? Not necessarily. But wherever she has to be, she just has to be. Of course she could tone it down at times, but she also knows how to do so sometimes, it could be just a tiny matter of timing. But a reality of ’toning it down’ is none other than imposing suppression upon somebody for the benefit of others. Yup, that’s a reality – people like it when they you lie to them, they like it when others smile at their faces while in reality they are angry at them. That’s what’s called ‘civility.’ People will hate you for telling them truth. When you highlight to the that you’re stating the truth, they’ll claim that the manner in which you tell them matters. But that’s another lie. If they are into the truth and believe that you’re telling them the truth, why not concentrate on the truth and move forward? Its one thing to agree with somebody for telling the truth and then deal with the manner in which they addressed it aside. But, its denialism when you don’t even admit the truth told and also use the manner in which it was presented as another advantage against the supposedly controversial person. That’s the pathetic reality of this society.
Donald Trump is a smart man. He saw that this woman is smart and as much as she can be controversial, she has some value to lend to others. If your’s is only to pick up negatives from others, surely you’ll find tons of negativity from Omarosa and miss out anything valuable to use in life – be it in your life and/or in others’ life. But all that boils down to the fact that, if you’re so dearly holy, positive ideal and sophisticated person that others ought to look at – why can’t you find a positive something from another person striving to make a living in an aggressive world? Yes, that’s what it is. Omarosa is not treading in a smooth buttery ground. Not unless again your perspective is slightly distorted. Things can’t be that cruel yet can’t be that heavenly in there.
Besides all this rambling I’ve made above, there is just one tiny-yet significant thing that Omarosa did. This left me wondering who among several celebrities out there that some of you, including me have followed on twitter and/or Facebook who take just a few seconds of their time to do what Omarosa did? Tell me what a human being without a soul, or human touch would reach to another? She might be considered as whatever, but, to me somebody who always seeks the positive, kindness of and from any other person, I reckon that she isn’t entirely bad as portrayed and/or even she may portray herself. I followed Omarosa after reading about the upcoming reality show. Omarosa sent me a direct message thanking me for the ‘follow.’ I don’t know about your perspective, but to me only a true human being would do that. I mean in the sense of humbleness – the thing with humbleness is that it gets hidden from time to time as it tends to be mistaken as a sign of weakness. Omarosa does have it in herself. Celebrities always ask the public or fans to consider them as human beings, of which they are. We are yet to see many of them acting in the most humanely manner. What;s wrong with a little acknowledgment of a fan or supporter in your life? Those fans are also human beings and in some ways make celebrities famous by supporting their careers.
Give Omarosa a chance. I wasn’t going to write this note earlier after reading about the upcoming show, but I included my initial comment based on previous criticism against her. It is her note that has driven me into sharing my 2 cents.
A man killed his child and the wife wants him home
I just cannot imagine the kind of confusion this woman must be going through. Loving a man whom you bear his child as another symbol or product of your love together and then later that symbol killed by the very same contributor of it’s existence? A man kills an infant and gets 10 years and 9 months in prison and the wife wants him home: http://www.jsonline.com/news/milwaukee/96397829.html
How can anybody begin to make sense of that? But, we have seen this happening many times. As hard as it may be to stomach when it happens to you, it just happens to be one of those atrocities that require decisions not only based on love.
Somebody else might disagree with me on this one. That’s fine with me as long as you either share your points in a convincing manner. But as for me, I don’t see why a woman who has suffered nine months and in labor to bring a life into existence should yearn to be with a man who has taken a life of their child.
If its love and lets say a sane love, why not as a woman seek time for yourself and the other child [remaining alive] to heal instead of confuting that process by urging ‘release’ of a questionable ‘father’?
Perhaps somebody is yet to help me make sense of this one. I’m just appalled by a woman who had nothing better to say except wanting her man home.
I was hoping to reclaim my full distance
I wasn’t sure if I’d make it again today with my walk and jogging. But I wanted to reclaim the full distance I always took when I did not a camera with me. But it looks like since I’ve decided to bring the camera with me I never get to finish it.
I started off a little late in the afternoon and the weather wasn’t promising that it would be on my side. I remembered to bring the stick for the Coyote’s.
walking-buddy
I remembered my walking-buddy; stick for Coyotes
This wasn’t a fully planned walk as I often walk earlier than I walked today. But there I was:
Way out of the drive way
Heading to the exit way
Ooops neighbor today is close and showing
Now I’m just way out and heading to the intersection
And I look on my right hand, part of the house’s yard way out:
What an amazing scene
Way towards the intersection
I turn right here towards the main street
Just before I turn left, I look in my right:
So beautiful huh?
Beautiful, no doubt about it
I love these trees on my left hand side heading out to the main street
I love these trees here
A beautiful line of trees; the neighbor’s using them as a hedge. House not fenced
I couldn’t resists this one after passing the line of trees:
How can you turn a blind eye?
No ways of course.
On my left hand side:
Towards an open field
I remembered that there’s another open land this side I did not shoot last time:
So greeny all sides
There’s more on the way and soo lovable
I marvel it all the way
Its all around and peaceful
There comes the open field
Actually it’s not just an open field.
It has an owner
It’s clear that he’s been trying to make something out of it:
From a distance there seems to be something going on
But it’s not clear what exactly it is:
The land itself is still beautiful
No doubt about it
It is part of the beauty in the surrounding
You just can't resist
The walk gets better and better
Last time I took pix of this there were no horses
Can you see them now?
