A rejoinder to the previous “Is it too much to ask?”
One of my interesting readings today came from the www.care2.com, particularly the article on “Finding yourself” within which conditions under which one’s ego thrives are discussed. Please read this column with the piece I wrote yesterday on “Is it too much to ask?” because this piece is a rejoinder (intrigued by care2 column’s) to my yesterday’s column.
Ironically in “Finding yourself” the author depicts a situation whereby a rigid set of standards upon which relationships are expected to work out and happiness prevail work against one’s desires.
Yesterday I talked about a need to seek to know more about your partner if you are to become a better link to them in the relationship. At the end of that column I talked about an element of compromise, whereby meets the other in the middle-ground as they pursue their goals. This notion goes in line with one’s ability to realize that a set of predetermined standards by one party may not necessarily be conducive for the existence of a relationship between that party and the other. Hence, prior knowledge and as well as ongoing knowledge about the other is critical. During that process of seeking to understand the other, one should do less in embarking on embedding one-sided set of rules that necessitate their individualistic happiness. In the end one does not get the desired happiness even if for a while it may seem like that.
Come to think of it: if you’re in a friendship with somebody that you respect and wish to builder a stronger and long lasting friendship with them, why would you be selfish about whose rules are applied?
Its obvious that if anything is to work out well between the two, a middle-ground will need to be introduced for the two to ‘marry.’
Yesterday, I talked about a need for one to seek to information that will help them make informed decisions on dealing with the other. I reflected in the sense that while one may have their separate destinations, once they are with others, their destinations cease to be constructed, rather the roadmap, gets modified to fit the other towards other destination that the other may not have been aware of. So, two separate destination in a way cross paths by virtue of these individuals’ interaction.
Deepak, in his article on care2 talks about how when you’re in the path to find yourself you’ve got to surrender to the path. Somebody here, might be grappling with why would I be on a path to find myself? I’ve already found myself.’ Deepak suggests that, “You surrender to the path. It is a path you share. You commit to wherever the path is taking you. In this way you give up your ego-centered perspective. Your focus shifts to the space between you and the one you love.”
Yes of course, one may have long found themselves already long before they got involved with the relationships they currently find themselves in. I understand that if you are to be a better person to the other, you need to understand them. The person that you may have found before your current interactions becomes different from the person you are in the current environment, climate and culture. You’re now in the new setting within which you need to determine how you roll in conjunction to your partner. Hence, Deepak’s suggestion that, “To find your true self, you must surrender to it, and the best way to do that is to surrender to another person. This doesn’t mean that one ego gives in to another ego. That would indeed spell defeat. Instead, you share with the other person the truth about yourself.”
Truth is one of the basic fundamentals of peace, love and happiness. A setting with a deficit of truth is none other than faked and deceitful scenario that one may even find it hard to call it a relationship. Many people, as I said yesterday, even in friendships, various forms of relationships one finds themselves tend to seek less truth than what they should be encountering. Fear of how to handle the truth once told is what prohibits many from telling it like it is.
