Nox Mafu's Blog

I just realized that the trend of my writing lately has been about relationships and love. I find this interesting considering that in the past I once realized that I couldn’t write about love and/or relationships no matter how I wished I could. I noticed my inability to talk about love through the collection of my poetry and I began wondering. I remember some time in my creative writing class, we were asked to break into groups of two’s and write about each other’s secret shared during group sessions. My partner [in class] told me about her love of two men at the same time and only to myself I labeled that as infidelity though I did not say that to her. Of course she did not see it as I and she was still eager to move ahead with her relationships until eventually when she could figure out whom she wanted to be with. Let me also add that, she was as well sleeping with both men.

So, my task was to come up with a poem out of her story. Looking back at how I drafted the piece, then I may have thought that I distanced myself from the love brouhaha thingy that woman had told me about. But, now I realize that I may not have been detached and/or objective. Actually I don’t remember if objectivity was part of the task. But somehow I remember struggling with ways of presenting her story in such a way that would not offend her, embrace the so-called love. I did not consider her predicament as “love” as much as she claimed to “love” these men and even giggled when telling her story. For instance, if one would argue that it was love, because one can love two people at the same time: please explain to me why the very same person in love with both men needed time with each one of them to eventually choose or decide which one she truly love. Perhaps it was love, love of different from the different people at the same time. Do you know one of those things when one wishes to extract certain elements one person and combine them with other elements of the other.

But this brings one to the fact that it is possible to be in love with somebody who doesn’t have “all” the elements that would make them “perfect” and/or a “compatible” partner. This does not necessarily mean people often end up settling for less. But it is a reality that people often overlook while wrapped in hype in pursuit for “the one,” “the perfect partner” and a “compatible” partner.

I am not yet a love/relationship guru in books, but considering how much I have lived and relationships I have or had had ..LOL.. I qualify as one. Besides, I’ve obtained some relevant educational as well as professional experience which could qualify me if any special qualifications are required: That being said, I can argue that people often overlook that while certain elements might be amiss from their partner, a relationship still requires their willingness to make an effort in order for it to work. I have reflected on this in some of the previous columns in my Blog and also on the importance of the balance of one’s innermost. On this notion, if one is to look into ‘compatibility,’ ‘the one’ and/or ‘perfect partner,’ they should do so through abandonment of unrealistic definitions found out there and work on what is conducive for themselves.

If they base their definition of true love as something that starts with each one’s balanced innermost, from which both individuals could constantly work towards being in sync, lies ‘compatibility’ and ‘the one-ness.’

Apart from all this, the somewhat detatched/objective poem about the woman and her two men that I wrote over five years ago is as follows:

In the field

Loving you, I am like a researcher

On the field:

The 1^st Corinthians 13;

A popular measuring instrument,

But, not for my study,

Respondents coded:

# 1 and # 2,

That’s the extent of data,

With intricacies I have

To interpret and analyze

But, as I am progress with # 2,

I am familiar with # 1 through a pilot study

Now, with vivid memories I am intrigued

To embark on further studies with # 1;

# 2 somehow would be validated with a study with # 1

Just during the vacation from the current phase;

The interpretation and analysis of the entire study

Is personal.

The summary, findings and conclusions, is love;

I love both # 1 and # 2

The recommendations are; first: # 1

Should not know about the process;

Second, further studies can be conducted after the vacation.